Realize

I think an important realization is that you will be fine, just as you are. You have God, friends and family. In life there is not much more you really need to feel loved, cherished, appreciated, adored, cared about, thankful for and blessed about. Life is really quite simple. Too many girls I see out there and guys who assume, life is not going to be super or great unless I have someone by my side. You do not need someone else to make you happy or content in your life. You just need you, friends, family and God... Honestly it is that simple and maybe it seems difficult but it is not, I promise. There will be bumps in the road but you can get over them, through them or jump over them, Gods bigger than all these problems, all these bumps in the road and your friends and family are there to support you all the way! Life is beautiful, you just need to love yourself more, encourage yourself and be more kind to yourself. This is coming from me, I am hard on myself. I honestly blame myself for much that goes wrong in my life, yet I am gonna work on it, I am not gonna say it will change but my life is my responsibility and with God, the friends I have and family I have everything I need. 

I am proud of myself for:

-Getting a job at Godiva.C: I love Godiva honestly I love it. I am so lucky to have been able to interview all my myself and get the job with my own words. I will work hard and do everything I am asked, I will ask questions and I will be smiling. Honestly a job is a huge gift and I got the job all by myself. I have every right to be very proud of little old me.C:
-Doing better this semester than last semester through more difficult times... This semester... My cat died, he was my best friend, always there, I know it sounds weird but this cat was there for me, my dog died too and I miss him too, my uncle passed away, a childhood friends little brother who was nothing but smiles and kindess, he was outgoing and really an inspirational young man died, and the same childhood friends dad died, he was also a kind man. Through all this and the inability to help her, except for prayers which are a lot I have been going to school and holding it together, yet sometimes I have fallen apart. Yet I am doing alright this semester through this.
-Working out here and there, hopefully will work out more though.C:
-Trying a new sport, volleyball even though I no longer am asked to go, which hurt but life is not always easy.
-Keeping my room clean.
-Sending letters, a new hobby.C:
Theres honestly more but this is what I am thinking of and thankful and proud of myself for in this moment. I am also very proud of my cousin today for graduating. He graduated from Iowa State University! He has an engineering degree and he has found God! What an inspiration. I love my cousin and even though since we live a few hours away I have not been able to see him as often as I would like, I have always looked up to Jordan. Hes been an inspiration and I am proud of him. I still remember growing up and going to his hockey games! He was great at hockey. He is great at being a cousin. I miss him and wish I could be there.

Right Now:

I wish I could talk to the young man in my life but when I am a little down I try and not talk to too many others about it because I am not one to want to bring others down even though I know they would want to hear about it. I am simply a bit down today, if you read this and you pray, please do. I have been down about the time it will take to graduate. I guess I kinda always thought it would take four years, two at Normandale then transfer to the University of Minnesota. That is not the case. I will be taking a few more than three or four years at Normandale. I have yet to finish my generals, I am almost done with my Emphasis in Multicultural Studies, I have yet to finish with my Creative Writing AFA and yet to decide if I want an AFA in Art. So it will take time. I am also really quite awful at algebra and I need to take some in order to be a teacher. I kinda wanna teach at a high school. I wanna inspire students, be proud of them for being in school, encourage them to do their best, tell them how great they truly are and be an English teacher or a counselor at a high school. Yet it will take some time. I think right now though, I am okay with it taking time, life is not meant to be rushed and we are all at our own place in life. I will try and stop comparing myself to others, I find that my mother compared me to others kids. Told me what her co-workers said about me and it brought me down, because of it, I started comparing myself to everyone else and that made life a little more difficult. I have to say that if you compare yourself because your parents have compared you, stop... Please. Its not the way to live and it will only make you feel horrible. You are a miracle, you are fabulous, hard working, worth this life, given this life as a gift because you are an inspiration. I have to tell myself this too because I forget. You are also loved by a god so good! I am too, we all are. So please today, love yourself! Be thankful, be blessed, let this life be positive, be good and optimistic. Were all on our own path and it does not have to take four years.