Random Ranting

Today I woke up and I looked. I looked for my cat. I looked by the window next to the sliding glass door, he wasn't there. I looked by the sliding glass door upstairs, he was not there, I looked outside my door, not there. I think the hardest part is that I really want him to be there again, like his passing was just a nightmare and I am awake and hes back, but he is not back and he is not coming back. I miss my cat so much, every day. I wish I could play hide and seek with him just one more time, rub his ears again, see him meow loudly again. I will never forget my cat, and honestly I will always miss him, a part of me will always want to see him again. I loved my cat and there will never be any cat just like Tommy. I know hes in a better place, I believe he is with God but right now I want my cat with me. I miss him, so much.

Climbing

Life is going to throw rocks at you, or put barriers in your path or push you backwards. Life is tough, but God is tougher and you are beautiful, or if you are a guy and you are reading this, you are freakin' handsome. You got this! Whatever this is, you got it! You can get on through it, your strong and your capable because you are a shining light. I believe in you, and God believes in you and you can do it.C: Right now I am falling apart. I am tripping over stones in my path, breaking and making stacks of tissues in my overflowing garbage why? Because I'll admit it, I am sad and I have every right to be a little sad right now, my cat just died and I am sad. Yet I will get through this and you will get through hatever barrier is in your life or loss came upon you. Because life gets better, life is meant to be good and your life is good. Trust me. I wanna cheer you on and be another person in your life saying you are amazing, you got this and you will get through because I wanna motivate you to motivate yourself and get through this. Whatever this is.

A Hard Day Turned Amazing

Honestly, today was really hard to get through because my best friend, my cat, Tommy whom has been a part of my life for most of it and being an only child, hes always been there for me. He passed on to a better place, heaven, but its hard not having him here with me. Yet today, my amazing boyfriend was here, I told him he completely did not have to hangout with me at all today. I told him you know I have other options you can do your thing, I mean I realize circumstances have changed and I do not want you feeling like since my cat passed you have to be here for me or hangout with me. Yet he wanted to hangout anyways. Him being the amazing guy he is. I decided since he was talking about frosting and cupcakes, to buy him a big old cupcake! I found a vanilla frosting one which was vanilla and then later sampled a cinnamon pretzel and bought him one of those because it was so good and I just had to get him one too.xD So then I made sure to treat him when he came to hangout with a vanilla cupcake and a cinnamon pretzel.C: Then off we went to his signing! Which was exciting. I was able to wait in line with him at a really cool mall! Then take a picture of him with this Twins player! A real Twins player, and the picture turned out great. Then we adventured to one of his favorite stores. I had a great time looking at all these cool photos at Deck the Walls with him. He has great taste in art! Just saying. I also love his smile and hearing him talk about things. Hes entertaining and fun to be around. We then decided to adventure, we spent the rest of the day adventuring. He was there with me and honestly, I love his laugh, I love his smile, I love his eyes when they light up, I love his sense of humor, I love his personality, I love his taste in music and how he sings and dances to music, I love how he truly cares about his family. I love so much about him as a person and how he respects people. Theres so much more and how he talks about journeys he goes on to find certain things. Hes a great, great, great guy and the best boyfriend there is.C:

Tommy

Tommy was my best friend. For many years, as a kid, my parents worked, and so I would have Tommy. We would run around the house, he would have to find me, because I would be quick and I would find miraculous hiding places. He always would. He would always find me, he was so smart, Tommy was. One time my mom, Reggie and I went for a walk around the neighborhood, I remember because I brought Tommy, he always had to stay inside so I carried him the entire way. He was my best friend, and I wanted him to see the great outdoors. My arms were hurting but I carried him and made sure he saw the path we all took. I remember his fur on his ears, it was always so soft and I remember when I went to South Dakota and a man once told me cats like to be rubbed behind their little soft ears and so I rubbed his little ears. I remember always smiling about his white whiskers, he had some above his eyes too and I thought they were the cutest little whiskers. I remember how his eyes glowed, and I found him extraordinary. I remember how he would meow, quite loudly. Towards the end he would sneeze and it still was some loud noise and I could still notice he was there. He was noisy, even on the day we found and took him in, a neighborhood stray, we gave him milk and later a home after taking him to the vet to be examined. I remember how he would always get my black clothing covered in fur. How he would roll around and allow me to pet his little belly and never bite. He  would go up to strangers and rub against them and be as friendly as can be. I recall he ran away one night and the next morning he was on the porch waiting to get in, he'd always come back. I did not know if it was love or what, but he would always come back.He got loose one day too when I was pushing hime around in a wagon, I wanted to bring him around the house we used to live in and have him a tour, he jumped off and ran into the backyard and went for the door, he always knew where the door, the garage, or the porch was in order to inform the family he wanted to come back in. I remember how he would hit Reggie playfully as Reggie went outside, and how he would lounge in the sun. I remember how he would always be around me when I was home. How creative he was about hiding spots, he could fit in the tiniest little places. He was my best friend, Tommy. I know right now I don't want to let anyone know quite yet I have a few people in my life experiencing amazing days and I will not dampen those days for them. I am going to get through this, maybe invest in a few more books, I know there will not be another friend every time I come home to sneeze or meow but the memories of what an amazing friend he was will last for the rest of my life.

"God's finger touched him, and he slept."

"It is a fearful thing to love what death can touch."

"All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle."

Some Tunes I Love

I really like finding new music. I guess because I like a good beat. Maybe. Or maybe a fresh new tune.C:

Sneaker Pimps - 6 Underground

Crystal Castles - Not In Love ft Robert Smith of The Cure

Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence

Coconut Records - West Coast

My Boyfriend

I like him.C: I do. I like my boyfriend. I think writing about the fact, the very simple fact that I do like him should be something I shall try and do relatively often. More often than not often. Why? I want him to if he sees my blog feel more appreciated than how appreciated I hope he already feels. He is kind, caring, funny, exciting, a good listener, goofy, athletic, open minded, open to trying new things, relaxed, motivating, helpful, genuine, generous, creative, smart, important, amazing, incredible, nice, sweet, handsome, good. There is so, so, so much more I can say I should add in here about him. Yet I like to try and find new words to call him  like fantastic, incredible, stellar, groovy, rad, intelligent, smart, nifty, great, good, nice, magnificent, cool, super, superb, spectacular, special, fabulous, awesome, amazing, lovely, terrific, exciting, excellent... Honestly these words in my opinion do describe him. Why? Because I say them to him all the time, because he IS that great. Do I mean them every time I say them to him? Yes. What I want out of this relationship is for him to feel appreciated every moment, to feel cherished, to feel cared for, for him to build his confidence, to cheer him on in life, to listen when he needs me to, to support him in his views and ideas, to motivate him to be the best he can be, to inspire him for the better when hes having an off day to send that positive inspiration, to put smiles on his face, to help him laugh randomly, to complement him always and often, to give him little nothings here and there and do little things for him, I want to make him happy in this relationship so I want to be the best girlfriend I can be. Why? Because I like him and it makes me happy doing things to make him happy. I am blessed to have such an amazing guy in my life and I am thankful, hes the best boyfriend there is.C:

The Happiness Project

I just started on this book, and I am really excited to learn from it. I believe it will have ideas about life and about living happily every day. I am thankful for finding it and excited to start in on it.C: